I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
