it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need to calm my uterus...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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