these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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