three words: i give head
three words: not that well
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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