some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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