Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
