can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
