I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
