I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
vagina is talking i cant
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
