Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize