I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
