He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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