i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
