Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
