Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After tacos, we're chasing women.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
