Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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