hotel room ftw
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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