id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize