when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
