i think my tv is drunk
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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