My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
