Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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