Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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