Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you traded sex for a burrito?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
