wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
