The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
