tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
