I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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