No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
