I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
