two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
