She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
