I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
