Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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