update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
