someone owes me an orgasm
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Of course I have a pirate flag
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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