I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize