thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
