He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
