I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
