I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
