sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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