HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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