I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
