I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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