My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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