That's intense
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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