dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
