y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i out mim tonsoeep
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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