you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
