Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
