i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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