Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My dick has a subreddit
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
