Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
