I'm gonna have a badass scar
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drake has all the answers
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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