i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
