dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize