He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
