come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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