I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
