Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
