WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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