honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
