Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize