and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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