at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
