I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
