So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
