It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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