that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
