a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
