Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
