im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
How external is "for external use only"?
We have started to decorate penises.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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