He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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