Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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