So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
