I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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